“This objective of getting what we want from other people—or getting them to do what we want them to do—threatens the autonomy of people, their right to choose what they want to do. And whenever people feel that they’re not free to choose what they want to do, they are likely to resist, even if they see the purpose in what we are asking and would ordinarily want to do it.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Living Nonviolent Communication: Practical Tools to Connect and Communicate Skillfully in Every Situation
It recently occurred to me that I’ve given away my autonomy to a power structure in many situations of my life. Or maybe true autonomy was never really achieved in the first place. I might have assumed that I had autonomy at certain jobs, but actually that was not true. Rather I liked some jobs so much that my lack of full autonomy was not a concern. As a young person starting out, I didn’t think I deserved autonomy, after all, I was still learning.
As a child, I was given a certain amount of autonomy over my life as my parents taught me how to become independent. But as soon as you move out of your parents’ home, you go from their rules to whatever kind of co-housing rules you land in. Room-mates can be better or far worse, it is a bit of a crap shoot. All of this freedom is achieved so slowly that it doesn’t really seem like much has changed. From the time you were given the ability to choose what to wear to the year you leave home, two thirds of your life have been spent acquiring autonomy. Memories of early childhood are faint at best.
Why am I surprised to realize as I near retirement that true autonomy was never achieved by working my whole adult life for different corporations? In the back of my mind, I now realize what drives me to early retirement is the idea of freedom. When I think of what my definition of freedom is, I view it as the ability to choose how to spend my time, who to spend it with and to stop making so many compromises.
I’m really tired of doing what I’m told by people who do not know better. By that I mean, when I was a young worker, I appreciated being surrounded by experienced people who were teaching me the ropes. In hindsight, many of these people had no idea what they were doing but I was learning from watching their mistakes. That was part of my extended education with the bonus that I was being paid to learn! This on the job training lasted for many years, over a few companies and involved moving around quite a bit.
Then I landed in a place where I lived for the better part of 2 decades and spent most of that time working for the same corporation. I moved up the ranks and enjoyed learning and growing for much of that time. Looking back, there was a moment of achievement that went by unmarked. A transition into leadership where politics came into play in a strange way. My work was not measured by contribution alone, it became judged by comparison against a wide swath of people across the organization or against a bell curve. Becoming a leader was when I thought more freedom would be had but instead it was actually diminished.
I’m not going to say that working as a senior leader in a modern corporation is akin to being in a popularity contest in high school. I would never draw a parallel between executives and mean girls. Honestly, who would consent to spending their days trapped in such a place? I can only say that a few hours of interviews spread over a number of different leaders who are all trying to judge you and sell you at the same time, is no way to know how dysfunctional an organization really is.
What I know for sure is that corporations, especially publicly traded ones, are out for their quarterly earnings first and foremost. They will claim many other benefits for employees working for them, but ultimately that is not really true. Employees come last along a series of other yearly objectives, in my experience. I have come to accept this as a corporate truth. So why does it feel so strange to be writing this down as my version of my story? Why do I feel like I’m speaking against the family?
As I start to plan for the first stages of my retirement, the logistics of packing and moving, the first trips and eventually buying a house, I am gleeful. It feels like the most freedom I have ever had in my life. It likely is the most autonomy I have ever had. No-one is telling me how many days something needs to take or what form something has to be in before it is handed in for evaluation or approval. I can take as long as I like and I can do something quick and easy or in-depth and detailed. It does not matter!
When I think of the contrast to my ‘free retired life’ of the future versus the restrictions I live with now, it is hard to comprehend. Going from a series of pre-selected and limited choices to complete freedom is going to be fabulous. I know people warn that retirees struggle with this transition. But I wonder if the issue is not so much adapting to the freedom but rather not throwing out every bit of discipline which formed part of everyday life in the working years. I’m not going to start living like some slob who doesn’t take care of themselves. I’m just going to live my best life with far more autonomy than I’ve ever had before and ride the highs and lows with grace.
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