“Working people have a lot of bad habits, but the worst of these is work.” – Clarence Darrow
I know this is not a healthy state to be in. I know this is tying my personal identity to corporate work in a dangerous way. I know there are people who can keep work stresses at work and live normal lives at home. I know there are people who do whatever they want in their personal lives and do not change their vacation for a last minute work trip. I know thinking about work all the time is not a good habit. I know, I know, I know. But after 30+ years, I’m not able to change this about myself and I have tried.
During the decade of my forties, I went through a lot of personally driven transformation. I wanted to feel differently than I did and I experimented with all manner of ways to achieve that. Exercise regimes, courses, (self-paced and online due to work commitments), reading and writing. This activity helped. But it didn’t take away the general malaise I felt about the path I was on. Then came a time when I decided to take a break from work that lasted about 18-months, (or 541 days).
An interesting side note, 18-months seems to be a thing for me. This is just about the right amount of time required to make a big change in my life. In reality, the break I referenced was only 18-months because it was cut short of a full super-early retirement. But, that is another story for another time!
What I was able to do in 18-months away from corporate work was separate my sense of self from my identity at work. I had realized there was an enmeshment that was completely unhealthy. As bad as I might feel now, it was far worse in my forties because I didn’t know how to solve it. At least now I know what I need to do and how I need to turn my attention towards healthier ways of acting. Those healthy habits are only practised in the smallest of time chunks. It is all I can manage to devote to activities outside of corporate work. But, this small amount of focus towards self-care proves to be extremely helpful, the effect punching far above its weight, so to speak.
Having been successful to completely severe myself from corporate work was a pivotal life lesson. Life went on. I was not replaced at work. My job was parcelled off into pieces and spread out as the corporation saw fit. I was not only replaceable but maybe not as necessary as I thought. My contribution was not critical to the ebb and flow of the business. This would happen twice more and maybe will again in this final position I am in now. Some might view being not essential as a blow to the ego. I choose not to think of it that way. Honestly I don’t really think about it at all. People make up corporations and they do what they do in each new moment.
More important than replaceability, I learned that money is a renewable resource and time is not. Of course we know this, but we very often don’t live our day to day accordingly. At least people of my generation tend not to. Younger people are better at not making the kind of sacrifices I have made and continue to. I’m learning from them. There is a food blogger I follow who trained as a lawyer, practiced for some time, hated it and turned to cooking. When I was her age, I’m not sure there were the same opportunities to make that kind of shift and even if there was, I would have been far too scared to do it.
I broke my 18-month sabbatical by going back to corporate work because I needed the money. Luckily, I very easily found work, in my field, in my home city. Those kind of jobs are rare. July 2018 is when I kicked off this last corporate stint I’m currently in. I feel gratitude for what will be the last 8 years once I retire. Going back to work, saw me gainfully employed and paid through a global pandemic. It afforded me the opportunity to move abroad and work in Europe. These kind of lucky breaks are out there in very short supply. I’ve had the right skills and experience to match the job at just the right time. My husband has made personal sacrifices to join me on these adventures, fulfilling my career goals.
I’ve paid a price for this career as well. Not a literal pound of flesh, but a somewhat unbalanced trade. Part of this is due to way I work. I’m all in. I fully dedicate myself to the job at hand, often to my own disadvantage. I’m not paid to think about work all the time, but I tend to. I’m not paid to prioritize possible work commitments over my free time, but that happens far too often. I’m not paid to worry excessively about the people at work more than my personal relationships, but I do. And my poor husband gets to hear all about it. I’ve been better about striking a balance post sabbatical, but how much improvement is there, maybe 20%? No matter the percentage improvement, 38-years will be enough time spent this way.
Luckily for me, I can turn my all-consuming energy to all sorts of activities, projects, learning, events, and travel. I am endlessly curious. I was that way as a child, always asking questions. I kept that up through primary school, but slowly started to conform. I’ve gone through peaks and throughs over my career. Now it is time to stoke this talent once again, only this time exclusively for my personal pursuits. It is time to turn how I operate in the corporate space toward myself and my family.
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